Saturday, November 23, 2013

The Necessary Art of Subtraction

By Leo Babauta

The tendency of our lives, businesses, art, is to keep adding: more furniture, clothes, gadgets, tasks, appointments, features to websites and apps, words to our writing.

Continual addition isn’t sustainable or desirable:

  • Too many things to do means we’re always busy, with no time for rest, stillness, contemplation, creativity, time with loved ones.
  • Overwhelming customers with choices means they’re less likely to make an actual choice. They’d prefer that we curate the best.
  • Too many possessions is clutter, visual stress, cleaning, maintenance, debt, less happiness.
  • Too many tasks makes it harder to focus on any one thing or get anything done.
  • Too many things we want to learn means we never learn anything well.

Subtraction is beautiful: it creates space, time, clarity.

Subtraction is necessary: otherwise we are overburdened.

Subtraction can be painful: it means letting go of a child.

Subtraction is an art that improves with practice. Subtraction can be practiced on your schedule, task list, commitments list, possessions, reading list, writing, product line, distractions.

What can you subtract right now?

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Jealousy & Suffering

By Leo Babauta

Most of us deal with jealousy in some form, and when it comes up, it’s never pretty.

It might be jealousy when your girlfriend seems interested in someone else, or when one of your best friends becomes close with someone else, or when your parents give a lot of attention to your sibling, or when other people are having more fun than you.

Why do we get jealous? What harm does it do us? How do we overcome it?

I’ll admit that I get jealous, and the me that gets jealous is not my favorite self. I don’t like myself when I get jealous.

So what do I do? I watch myself. I see it happening. I acknowledge it. And then I give myself a hug.

Let’s look at little deeper at jealousy first, and then go over what we can do about it.

What is Jealousy?

Jealousy is simply an emotional reaction to a past wound.

It gets triggered when something in the present reminds us of what hurt us before.

We fear abandonment. Our parents get divorced (mine did), our spouse cheats on us, our best friend leaves us. And so, because this hurt us so much, we remember it in our hearts, and it becomes incredibly difficult to forget it.

It becomes a part of us, this wound, this fear. It surfaces at times when it’s not helpful. It starts to control us.

And so this wound becomes a controlling factor in our lives, and we become the worst selves that we can be.

We don’t want that. Let’s learn to be our better selves.

How to Heal the Wounds and Overcome Jealousy

Jealousy works because it happens without us realizing it’s happening, or without looking deeper into what’s happening. It has an unseen power over us, because it’s unseen.

So first we have to see it. Recognize when you’re jealous. Don’t look away. We don’t like to acknowledge the bad parts of us, because then we’re admitting we’re not always great. But it’s important, because if we don’t, it has more power over us.

So recognize it, acknowledge it.

Then realize that it’s an old wound from the past. This is your old self that’s gotten hurt, and because of this, your old self is scared, angry, anxious. Afraid of abandonment. Angry at others for threatening to abandon you.

This is perfectly OK. It’s completely understandable to be hurt when someone violates your trust. Your old self is justified. But that’s in the past. You need to give your old self a hug, and say that it’s OK to grieve, but also acknowledge that you need to let go and move on and grow.

It also helps to realize that the past wound only happened because you had a self-centered view of the universe. You took your parents’ divorce, or your spouse cheating on you, as a judgment of you as a person, as an abandonment of you after they judged you and found you lacking. That’s not true, though. They left for reasons of their own â€" they were afraid, they were dealing with their own issues of abandonment and jealousy, they weren’t mature enough to commit, and so on. The reasons they left had nothing to do with you, and if you realize that, it might hurt less.

Heal the wounds with compassion. Then grow.

How to Grow

Let’s heal the wounds and then become our better selves:

  1. Don’t act on jealousy. When you recognize it, pause, watch the fear and the urges to act jealously, and just sit and watch it. Don’t let jealousy rule your actions. Take some time away from the action if needed.
  2. Imagine your better self. What’s the person you want to be? Do you want to be jealous, or would you rather be secure in yourself, confident, happy, and happy for others? Imagine this better self, then act consistently with that self.
  3. Relieve your suffering. When you act in jealousy, it hurts others. It hurts you. This doesn’t feel good. Learn to see the suffering you’re causing, in others and in yourself. And realize that’s not how you want to live. This suffering is entirely caused by acting out of fear. Instead, act compassionately â€" with compassion for others but also yourself, by letting the fear go.
  4. Let go of your attachment. You are holding onto a past hurt, and are hurting your current self because of it. Learn to let go. Practice letting go. It gets easier as you practice.
  5. Be less self-centered. When we are jealous, we think the world revolves around us. My friend shouldn’t be getting so close to that person â€" doesn’t she know that I’m more important? My spouse shouldn’t have fun without me â€" don’t they know that I’m the only one they should care about and have fun with? No one should go on amazing trips and go to fun parties without including me. And so on. Of course, the world doesn’t revolve around you (or me), and so once we remove ourselves from the center of everything, we can expand our heart to include everyone, not just us. Be happy for others. Feel their pain and fear and anger and jealousy too.

Jealousy isn’t something you can just get rid of immediately, like an old coat you don’t want anymore. It’s a wound that needs healing, a hurt that needs compassion. Moving beyond jealousy is a set of skills you need to learn with practice, and a trust that needs to be earned with time.

The Future of Blogging

In other news, join me today (Tues. Nov. 19, 2013) at 2pm Pacific for a live Google Hangout, as I join the folks at Fizzle and other friends for a show on the Future of Blogging.

Join us here today.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

How Creativity Works, & How to Do It

By Leo Babauta

I’m continually trying to create new things, from new blog posts, to books and courses and novels, to new ventures.

And as I create these things, I’ve been watching my creation process, hoping to learn about how it works. For most creators, I think it’s just this Black Box of Creativity, where cool things come out but it’s not clear what you need to put in, or what the hell happens inside the black box. It’s a mystery.

Except it doesn’t have to be.

Creativity is a powerful tool to help anyone, from the parent trying to find new things to inspire his kids, to the small businessperson looking for a new direction, to the writer or artist stuck or feeling uninspired.

So in this post, I’ll briefly explain how creativity works (as I’ve observed it), and then share some tips on how to do it.

How Creativity Works

When you come up with a new idea, where does it come from? Does it just come out of the blue? Are you a genius that has created something from nothing, godlike and mysterious in your ways?

No. It’s not a completely new idea â€" it’s something new created from one or more old things.

Creativity is the taking of old ideas, and remixing them in new ways that is individual to the creator. The raw materials are out there for anyone to use â€" look at the ideas all around you, in the online world and in the real world as you walk around each day. There are millions and billions of these ideas, and you can remix them in new ways.

They say there are no new ideas, but the truth is, we can use old ideas in new ways.

Let’s look at a few brief examples:

  • Zen Habits was invented as I studied Zen concepts of mindfulness and presence, along with the ideas of productivity, simplicity and creating habits. I combined them all in various ways to create my approach to life that I share here, and am still remixing these and other ideas in different ways each year.
  • Zen itself is a remixing of ideas of Chán Buddhism from China with the Japanese culture, and Chán Buddhism is (essentially) a refocusing of the ideas of Buddhism on meditation as the key path to enlightenment. All of these remixing and refocusing of ideas were gradual and evolutionary rather than sudden creations.
  • Twitter was invented by a number of people, each of whom contributed ideas that shaped the social network, but at its base, Twitter remixed the ideas of text messaging with blogging and other existing online social network ideas.

You can see how creativity works â€" take existing ideas, and remix them, often multiple times in a process of evolution as new ideas come into the mix.

So how do we do it? Well, there’s no one way, but below, I’ll offer some ideas.

How to Do It

What follows are some ideas I’ve found to be important in my experience:

  1. Create time for solitude. In interviewing others, I found that solitude is the No. 1 creative habit of highly creative people. If you’re immersed in online distractions and other busy-ness, you’ll never have the space to consider the ideas you’ve gleaned from elsewhere, or think about how to remix them. So while connection is important (see other steps below), time for solitude is just as critical and often forgotten.
  2. Search for interesting ideas. What are other people doing? Don’t read about the ideas of others so you can compare yourself to them and feel bad, but simply for the cultivation of interesting ideas. They’re all over, in blogs and online magazines, to the people you meet every day who are doing interesting things, to the friends and family you interact with regularly. Read a lot, observe more.
  3. Keep an idea file. As you find interesting ideas, throw them into a text file. You don’t need to ever use them, but just keep notes. You can review this every couple of weeks, and see if anything sparks something for you.
  4. Reflect on ideas, apply them to your field. Are you a novelist? Can you take ideas from your favorite books, like magical realism or suspense devices, and put them into yours somehow? Whatever your field, there are ideas from within your field, and other places, that could possibly be applied to what you’re doing. Take a few moments, maybe in the shower or on your commute or on a daily walk or run, to think about how you might apply these ideas to your projects. Then write them in your idea file â€" you don’t have to do these new ideas, but if they really excite you, consider it.
  5. Iterate on what you’ve come up with. Remixing a couple of ideas in new ways isn’t the end of the process. You might find new ideas to add to the mix. You might remix the same ideas in new ways. The process continues for as long as you continue to stir the pot, and could get better and better, so don’t give up on your stew.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Self-Discipline in 5 Sentences

By Leo Babauta

Have a powerful reason â€" when things get difficult, “because it sounds nice” or “to look good” aren’t going to cut it.

Start tiny, with a simple but unbreakable promise to yourself to do one small thing every single day.

Watch your urges, and learn not to act on childish whims.

Listen to your self-rationalizations, and don’t believe their lying ways.

Enjoy the habit, or you won’t stay with it longer than a week’s worth of sunrises.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Make It Your Job

By Leo Babauta

When you’re feeling resentful or angry about something, it’s worth stopping to consider why.

This morning, I woke up to a dirty kitchen, and as I do most mornings, I started cleaning it up. Washing dishes, wiping counters, putting dishes away, and so on. I do this a lot.

And I found myself feeling resentful. Why didn’t other people clean this up? Why am I the one who has to clean it up all the time?

And I watched my resentment.

And I saw at its root a feeling of entitlement, that everyone should do things the way I want them to do it. A feeling of wanting to control others. A feeling that others should be what I want them to be. I’m at the center of the universe, and everyone else is a supporting character in my story.

Of course, that’s not true. They are their own people, and don’t want to be controlled, and want to live how they want to live. I’m only a supporting character in their lives.

So I could have tried to force them to act my way. Better: I could teach them to clean up after themselves, to pitch in and be good members of our family.

But what I did instead this morning is assumed that I am a servant, and that it is my job to clean the kitchen. It’s my job to serve my family.

The effect is that I released the idea that they should serve me, that they should do things my way. And instead I did the work without complaint, lovingly in the service of my loved ones.

I’ll still teach them, because that’s my job too, to serve them by showing them the best ways to live life. But I won’t do it with the resentment, only with the love.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Developing Selfless Compassion

‘So if we love someone, we should train in being able to listen. By listening with calm and understanding, we can ease the suffering of another person.’ ~Thich Nhat Hanh

By Leo Babauta

While the idea of being more compassionate is appealing to many people, what stands in the way is that we get irritated by other people, often actually strongly disliking them.

How can you be compassionate with others when they irritate you, rub you the wrong way, make you angry?

It’s difficult. I have a hard time with this fairly often, so I’ve been studying it inside myself. What’s really amazing is how much we get in our own way.

My “self” is the thing that stands in the way of true compassion, I’ve been learning.

And my “self” is almost always putting itself in the center of the universe, demanding things, and becoming angry when it doesn’t get what it feels it deserves.

I’m really blown away by how much I think about myself, and how often I believe (without admitting it to myself) that I deserve to be treated a certain way, that others should act the way I want them to act.

Watch Your Selfish Thoughts

Try monitoring those kinds of thoughts in your own head:

  • When someone irritates you, your “self” is angry because they aren’t acting the way you want them to act. You think you’re entitled to quiet, entitled to being treated fairly or with respect, entitled to have the world behave the way you want it to behave.
  • When someone doesn’t clean up after themselves, you get irritated because you think you’re entitled to everyone acting the way you want them to act (being clean and considerate).
  • When someone gets in your way or cuts you off in traffic, you get irritated, because you think they should not be in your way. Maybe everyone should watch for where you’re going and clear a path?
  • When someone else needs help, you think first about how it will affect you, rather than how it will affect the other person.
  • When something unexpected happens at work or in your personal life, you think first about how it will affect you.
  • When people are talking, you think about how what they’re saying relates to you, how you’ve had a similar experience, what they’re thinking of you.

There are many other variations, but you get the idea. These are self-centered thoughts. I have them all the time â€" way more than I would have believed before I started monitoring them.

It’s natural for us to have these self-centered thoughts. When we are kids, we believe we’re the center of the universe. When we grow up, we mostly still believe this, and it’s probably a self-defense mechanism to create a universe where we’re at the center of it, entitled to what we want.

But it gets in the way of compassion. Let’s see what happens when we remove ourselves, get out of the way.

Selfless Compassion

Compassion starts with empathy â€" imagining putting ourselves in the mind of another person, and imagining what they’re going through. We are probably wrong about what they’re going through, because we can’t know, but without this imaginative process we can’t have compassion.

Once we’ve empathized, and feel their suffering, the second half of compassion is wanting to end that suffering, and taking action to ease that suffering in some way.

So empathy is incredibly important, but if we are thinking about ourselves first, and only ourselves, we can’t empathize.

We must get ourselves out of the way, and think of the other person. When we think about how we should be treated, what we want, how something will affect us, we cannot also be thinking of the other person and how something will affect them, how they should be treated, what they want.

So to empathize, we must get out of the way. Be self-less rather than selfish.

How do we do that? Honestly, I’m still learning.

The first step for me has been to become aware of my selfish thinking. And it happens all the time.

The next step, when I recognize this selfish thinking, is to pause, and try to put my mind in the mind of the other person, to empathize, to try to understand what they’re going through. To feel their suffering, and then to want to end it.

And then ask, how can I end that suffering?

Get yourself out of the way, so that compassion becomes possible.

Habits of Entrepreneurs: Jennifer Pattee of Basic Training

I’m happy to share the latest video interview in my Habits of Entrepreneurs series: Jennifer Patee, founder of Basic Training in San Francisco. Jenn started Basic Training in 2008 with the idea that the best workout program is the one you actually want to use. And so she has turned working out into a social, fun, incredible experience that people keep coming back to.

You can watch the short-version of the video below (about 3 mins) for free or get the full version (nearly an hour), along with show notes, by subscribing.

In the full video, Jenn shares her amazing personal story that got her from unhealthy to healthy … thoughts on keeping people coming back to work out consistently, working out in a healthy manner, making health and fitness social, running and eating healthy. It’s a great interview!

Subscribe

Also see: Jenn’s campaign for a Pop-up Fitness Hub in Hayes Valley, San Francisco.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Lyrical Learning, & Why We Learn Habits Wrong

By Leo Babauta

When we learn song lyrics, we don’t just look at the written lyrics and know them, nor can we listen to a song just once and immediately sing it.

Learning the lyrics of a song is a process that often goes something like this:

  1. Listen to the song, maybe look at the lyrics if you want.
  2. Try singing the song a second time, but mess up a lot; when you mess up, you hear the correct version and so you know you messed up and know the correct way at the same time.
  3. Repeat Step 2 a bunch of times, correcting as you go, learning more each time.
  4. Try singing it without the song, and realize there are still holes in your knowledge.
  5. Listen to the song again, filling in your knowledge holes.
  6. Repeat Steps 4 & 5 until you can sing the song perfectly on your own.

For some people, this process comes faster than for others, and needs less repetition, but the process is usually something like this.

Other people don’t repeat some of the steps enough times to really get the song, but the process remains true â€" it’s just they only do part of it.

So this is how we learn lyrics.

How do we learn habits? It usually goes something like this:

  1. Create a habit plan.
  2. Try it.
  3. Fail at some point.
  4. Feel bad about it, feel like we aren’t disciplined. Give up.

If we compare it to the lyric-learning process, we can see that with habits, we give up at Step 2!

Other people try a few more times, but they’re really only at Step 3 or 4. Barely anyone persists until they finish Step 6.

The key is to keep repeating until you finish Step 6, and you have it down. Use other people who do the habit right as your example as you’re learning. Compare what you’re doing wrong to what they’re doing right, and correct yourself.

And keep repeating, filling in your knowledge gaps, until you get it right and can do it on your own without help.

Then go sing your song.

Monday, November 4, 2013

A Month Without Sugar

By Leo Babauta

Life seems sweeter without sweets. Or at least, just as sweet.

If you’d suggested that I’d prefer a life that was pretty much devoid of sweet desserts a year ago, I would have laughed in scorn. I’ve always had a sweet tooth, mostly centered on chocolate but I also love pies and cookies and muffins and ice cream.

But as a part of my Year of Living Without, I gave up sugar in October. And in truth, it was fairly easy (with a few harder spots) because I’d mostly been going without sugar for the previous four months or so.

I found that life is just as fun, as enjoyable, as lovely without all the sugar. It’s not as necessary as I’d thought, not as horrible or lifeless without sugar as I’d anticipated.

I set out on this Year of Living Without to learn about my resistance, but the funny thing is that my resistance seems to be much greater when I’m imagining going without something I think I need, than it is when I actually go without it.

I thought giving up coffee would be incredibly hard, but it wasn’t hard at all (except for a few times when the allure of the smell was strong). I thought going without TV would be hard, but mostly I didn’t miss it. No sitting for more than 30 minutes actually was hard, but not because I missed sitting â€" only because I really got physically tired (often from running or working out).

So the resistance comes when we imagine the loss, not when we actually experience the loss. At least, that’s what I’ve been finding so far.

In this post, I’ll talk about a few of my thoughts and experiences going without sugar, and then share what I’m giving up in November (hint: it’s one of my hardest challenges yet).

Going Without Sugar

Some of what I learned and experienced in my month without sugar:

  • In the beginning of the month, I was traveling in Europe. Mostly didn’t miss the sugar, but I was definitely tempted when we found vegan gelato in Italy, then various vegan desserts in Vienna and London. Overall, it wasn’t hard â€" most of the desserts we passed weren’t vegan, so while they looked tasty, I’m not tempted to eat them (milk and eggs make me think of dead baby animals).
  • Most days of the month, I had no sweet temptations â€" if any sweets were around, they were non-vegan candies or desserts, so I didn’t care.
  • The challenge was easiest when I stay home or only go out to exercise or have tea with a friend. Staying away from restaurants or other people’s houses means no temptations.
  • Going to a vegan restaurant makes it a bit more challenging, as sometimes the kids have vegan desserts (a vegan chocolate shake was a bit tempting one day) but knowing that I’m not having sugar cuts off the temptation in my mind. So it’s not hard. If I didn’t have the challenge, I’d definitely share in their desserts.
  • In the middle of the month, I traveled to China â€" there are many interesting treats there, but mostly ones I can’t eat, so it wasn’t that hard. I think there was some mochi there that I would have loved, but I just didn’t give it much thought.
  • One day I bought the kids some chocolate chip cookies that would have been very tempting in the old days (just 6 months ago). But now I don’t have as much a taste of it â€" I think of the harm sugar does to my body, and how it doesn’t make me feel so good afterward, and sugar isn’t as appealing.
  • Near the end of the month was my son’s birthday. The coconut pancakes I made for breakfast weren’t tempting, nor was the cake and ice cream later. But Eva made some banana chocolate chip muffins that for some reason I craved. I just focused on my delicious Ezekiel cereal with nuts and berries and enjoyed it, so I was fine
  • One day I ate at both my favorite vegan restaurants in SF (that’s more than I usually eat out), and at lunch my friend ate one of my favorite vegan desserts. It was tempting but not too hard to resist, because I told him in advance that I couldn’t have a single bite. I think telling people about my no-sugar challenge helps me stick to it.
  • Trick or treating with the kids â€" I was tempted by Reeses peanut butter cups for some reason, but didn’t have any. Other candies did nothing for me.
  • When I keep myself busy, sweets aren’t even a thought.
  • When I’m tired, my willpower seems to drop, and temptations are harder. When I’m tired and hungry, I’m at my weakest.

November: No Computers/Internet Before Noon

So this month I’ve already had a small failure in my challenge. In November, I’m going without computers/Internet before noon (including smartphones, etc.) … except to write.

So I can use my laptop to write a post or work on my novel, but I can’t Google anything or check email or even read on my computer. No reading saved articles from the Internet either.

What will I do instead? I’ll read a novel (working my way through Joyce’s Ulysses right now) and write blog posts or work on my novel.

However, I missed the first day because I forgot. The challenge for the second day was when I really wanted to look things up, which I’m really used to doing immediately by now â€" instead, I wrote them down to look them up later.

This should be interesting.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Why I Read (+ a Dozen Book Recommendations)

By Leo Babauta

In the quiet morning hours, or as I fade off to sleep at night, I cuddle up with a good novel.

This book is my world, my quiet time away from the din and discordance of the everyday world, but it’s also a way to explore the world in imaginative new ways.

There’s nothing that beats it.

I get lost in worlds wholly created by an author, imagined but containing truths about life, incisively commenting about life, reproducing it in beautiful new ways, putting me in the mind of another human being, grabbing my heart and dragging it through the thrill of falling in love or the dull numbness of divorce or the fear of being found out, giving me the power of flight or omniscience or magic, confessing about guilty deeds and crimes and affairs, taking me into richly reimagined periods of history, helping me time travel and space travel and regular travel into new lands, showing me how other people live in helplessness, in slavery, in squalor, in power and luxury, in prostitution and presidency, making the mundane seem magical and the magical seem possible.

This is why I read.

Reading has been shown to make us more empathetic people, but it also helps us learn to sit still for longer without distractions, and gives us a break from the pull of smartphones and the online world.

Reading is one of my favorite habits, and though once in awhile I slip away from it, I always come back.

Leo’s Book Recommendations

If you’d like to read more fiction, here’s a list of some of my favorite books to get you started (in no means comprehensive):

  • Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett (start with this, but all of her books are great)
  • City of Thieves, by David Benioff
  • Motherless Brooklyn, by Jonathan Lethem (start with this, but all his books are great)
  • The Art of Fielding, by Chad Harbach
  • Everything is Illuminated, by Jonathan Safran Foer (all his stuff is great)
  • The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, by Aimee Bender
  • The Elegance of the Hedgehog, by Muriel Barbery (then, Gourmet Rhapsody)
  • Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole
  • The Blind Assassin, by Margaret Atwood (all her books are excellent)
  • Shibumi, by Trevanian
  • The Discworld Series, by Terry Pratchett
  • The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, by Douglas Adams

I also love books by Kurt Vonnegut, Nick Hornby, Kazuo Ishiguro, Haruki Murakami, Raymond Chandler, William Gibson, Stephen King and John D. Macdonald.

Tougher but great books:

As for non-fiction books … this list is a bit old but I still like the books here.

Form the Reading Habit

If you’re interested in forming the habit of reading more, join my Sea Change Program, where we’re tackling the habit with our Read More habit module in November.

The module will consist of:

  1. A simple plan to follow â€" 5-10 minutes a day
  2. A few articles during the month to help you implement the habit
  3. Reminder emails every day (if you want them) to help you stick with the changes
  4. An accountability group in the Sea Change forum to keep you on track
  5. A live video webinar in the middle of the month

Five tools that will help you stay on track with this new habit, for $10 a month (we have a different module each month).

Sign up for the Sea Change Program here.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

12 Indispensable Mindful Living Tools

By Leo Babauta

The focus of my life in recent months has been living mindfully, and while I don’t always remember to do that, I have learned a few things worth sharing.

The first is a mindful life is worth the effort. It’s a life where we awaken from the dream state we’re most often submerged in â€" the state of having your mind anywhere but the present moment, locked in thoughts about what you’re going to do later, about something someone else said, about something you’re stressing about or angry about. The state of mind where we’re lost in our smartphones and social media.

It’s worth the effort, because being awake means we’re not missing life as we walk through it. Being awake means we’re conscious of what’s going on inside us, as it happens, and so can make more conscious choices rather than acting on our impulses all the time.

The second thing I’ve learned is that we forget. We forget, over and over, to be awake. And that’s OK. Being mindful is a process of forgetting, and then remembering. Repeatedly. Just as breathing is a process of exhaling, and then inhaling, repeatedly.

The third is that mindful living isn’t just one thing. It’s not just meditation. Nor is it just focusing on the sensations around you, right now in this moment. I’ve found mindful living to be a set of very related tools, perhaps all different ways of getting at the same thing, but each useful in its own regard.

I’ll share them in this post, and hope that you’ll consider each in turn.

Why You Should Care

Why bother to spend the time learning these tools? Is it just for some ideal of living a peaceful, stress-free life?

No. A stress-free life doesn’t exist, but these tools will definitely make you more prepared to deal with the stresses that will inevitably come your way.

But just as importantly, they’ll help you overcome the fear of failure and fear of discomfort that’s holding you back, that’s keeping you from making positive changes in your life.

These tools will help you launch your new blog, start a business, write a book, put out your first music album online, find your purpose in life, become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

This is what I’ve found. I’m certain you’ll find these tools just as useful.

The Toolset

This list, of course, is not complete. It’s a collection of things I’ve been learning about, and am still practicing, things I’ve found useful enough to share.

  1. Meditation. Meditation is where mindful living starts. And it’s not complicated: you can sit still for even just 1 minute a day to start with (work up to 3-5 minutes after a week), and turn your attention to your body and then your breath. Notice when your thoughts wander from your breath, and gently return to the breath. Repeat until the minute is up.
  2. Be Awake. Meditation is practice for being awake, which is not being in the dream state (mind wandering into a train of thought, getting lost in the online world, thinking about past offenses, stressing about the future, etc.) but being awake to the present, to what is. Being awake is something you can do throughout the day, all the time, if you remember. Remembering is the trick.
  3. Watch Urges. When I quit smoking in 2005, the most useful tool I learned was watching my urges to smoke. I would sit there and watch the urge rise and fall, until it was gone, without acting on it. It taught me that I am not my urges, that I don’t have to act on my urges, and this helped me change all my other habits. Watch your urge to check email or social media, to eat something sweet or fried, to drink alcohol, to watch TV, to be distracted, to procrastinate. These urges will come and go, and you don’t have to act on them.
  4. Watch Ideals. We all have ideals, all the time. We have an ideal that our day will go perfectly, that people will be kind and respectful to us, that we will be perfect, that we’ll ace an exam or important meeting, that we’ll never fail. Of course, we know from experience that those ideals are not real, that they don’t come true, that they aren’t realistic. But we still have them, and they cause our stress and fears and grief over something/someone we’ve lost. By letting go of ideals, we can let go of our suffering.
  5. Accept People & Life As They Are. When I stopped trying to change a loved one, and accepted him for who he was, I was able to just be with him and enjoy my time with him. This acceptance has the same effect for anything you do â€" accept a co-worker, a child, a spouse, but also accept a “bad” situation, an unpleasant feeling, an annoying sound. When we stop trying to fight the way things are, when we accept what is, we are much more at peace.
  6. Let Go of Expectations. This is really the same thing as the previous two items, but I’ve found it useful nonetheless. It’s useful to watch your expectations with an upcoming situation, with a new project or business, and see that it’s not real and that it’s causing you stress and disappointment. We cause our own pain, and we can relieve it by letting go of the expectations that are causing it. Toss your expectations into the ocean.
  7. Become OK with Discomfort. The fear of discomfort is huge â€" it causes people to be stuck in their old bad habits, to not start the business they want to start, to be stuck in a job they don’t really like, because we tend to stick to the known and comfortable rather than try something unknown and uncomfortable. It’s why many people don’t eat vegetables or exercise, why they eat junk, why they don’t start something new. But we can be OK with discomfort, with practice. Start with things that are a little uncomfortable, and keep expanding your comfort zone.
  8. Watch Your Resistance. When you try to do something uncomfortable, or try to give up something you like or are used to, you’ll find resistance. But you can just watch the resistance, and be curious about it. Watch your resistance to things that annoy you â€" a loud sound that interrupts your concentration, for example. It’s not the sound that’s the problem, it’s your resistance to the sound. The same is true of resistance to food we don’t like, to being too cold or hot, to being hungry. The problem isn’t the sensation of the food, cold, heat or hunger â€" it’s our resistance to them. Watch the resistance, and feel it melt. This resistance, by the way, is why I’m doing my Year of Living Without.
  9. Be Curious. Too often we are stuck in our ways, and think we know how things should be, how people are. Instead, be curious. Find out. Experiment. Let go of what you think you know. When you start a new project or venture, if you feel the fear of failure, instead of thinking, “Oh no, I’m going to fail” or “Oh no, I don’t know how this will turn out”, try thinking, “Let’s see. Let’s find out.” And then there isn’t the fear of failure, but the joy of being curious and finding out. Learn to be OK with not knowing.
  10. Be Grateful. We complain about everything. But life is a miracle. Find something to be grateful about in everything you do. Be grateful when you’re doing a new habit, and you’ll stick to it longer. Be grateful when you’re with someone, and you’ll be happier with them. Life is amazing, if you learn to appreciate it.
  11. Let Go of Control. We often think we control things, but that’s only an illusion. Our obsession with organization and goals and productivity, for example, are rooted in the illusion that we can control life. But life is uncontrollable, and just when we think we have things under control, something unexpected comes up to disrupt everything. And then we’re frustrated because things didn’t go the way we wanted. Instead, practice letting go of control, and learn to flow.
  12. Be Compassionate. This sounds trite, but compassion for others can change the way you feel about the world, on a day-to-day basis. And compassion for yourself is life-changing. These two things need remembering, though, so mindful living is about remembering to be compassionate after you forget.

The Practice

OK, that seems like a lot to digest and remember, right?

Well, there’s hope. I often forget all of this stuff, but then I remember, and say, “Ah, I was doing it again!” And then I practice again.

And then I forget, but I reflect, and I learn, and I practice again.

This is the process of learning mindfulness. It’s forgetting, and then remembering, again and again.

And it’s worth remembering, again and again.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Burn Down the Farm

By Leo Babauta

I can’t tell you how many people want to make a big positive change in their lives, but are afraid to make the leap. They don’t want the discomfort, don’t want to leave what they’re comfortable with.

From losing weight or getting healthy to quitting a job you hate to learning something hard, most people would rather stick to what they know.

I’m here to make a rather drastic but effective suggestion: burn down the farm.

Let me tell you a story about a farmboy, in a distant galaxy: Luke Skywalker grew up on his aunt and uncle’s farm, but wanted to make a big change (go to the Imperial Academy) but his uncle doesn’t want him to go.

Later Luke makes a startling discovery, and is invited by a Jedi master to leave his planet and help the rebel alliance. (Bear with me, I’m almost at my point.) But Luke is reluctant to leave.

Luke goes on to adventures in strange worlds, and becomes a changed person in the course of these events. The change he dreamed of is far surpassed.

But his fear of discomfort, his fear of changing his ways and leaving behind what he’s comfortable with, almost stopped him.

How did he overcome this fear?

He returned home to find the farm burned down, and his aunt and uncle dead. That was horrible and painful, of course, but at this point, Luke had nothing comfortable to return to. He went on his adventure, in strange worlds.

I’m not encouraging you to literally burn anything down. Nor to slay anyone, of course. That probably shouldn’t have to be clarified, but for the literal-minded, I have to say it.

What I’m encouraging you to do is leave behind the comfortable. Find a way to make it harder to go back to what you’re used to than to go forward into strange, exciting, but uncomfortable new territory.

I quit my day job not long after I discovered that Zen Habits was my calling.

I moved my family from the comfort of our hometown (Guam) to San Francisco, which was hard for all of us, but ultimately led to growth.

We gave up our car and now walk and use mass transit. I tossed out all the junk food from our home when I wanted to eat healthier.

I’ve made public announcements about running a marathon, becoming vegan, unschooling our kids and more.

Those are just a few examples â€" the possibilities are as numerous as the stars of a distant galaxy.

Burn down the farm, nonviolently of course. Get rid of the possibility of comfort, so that the scary journey you want to take is your best choice.

Friday, October 25, 2013

My Most Minimal Travel Setup Yet

By Leo Babauta

I just got back from a trip to Beijing and Shanghai, and really loved how light I traveled for 8 days.

It was the least amount of stuff I’ve taken on a trip of any length, and traveling has never been less tiring.

When you have very little on your back, it’s less draining. It’s faster and funner.

I thought I’d share my latest travel setup, in hopes that it’ll inspire a few of you to try the joys of traveling lightly.

My Setup

This setup is unique to me, so I don’t recommend that you copy it … but that said, I’m sharing it so you can possibly get a few ideas and see how light travel is possible.

  1. The backpack. I traveled the entire time with just a tiny backpack, no luggage or roller bag. The one I used is the Goruck 15L Shadowruck, which is just 15-liters in volume and only 0.27 lbs. (!). It’s super light. It’s tough. Not much room in it. Perfect.
  2. No laptop. The most significant change I made to my setup this trip is to travel without my 11-inch Macbook Air. This tiny laptop is only 2.38 lbs., but traveling without a laptop is a huge change in weight. I was only going for 8 days, so I did my writing before I left. This wouldn’t work for many people. If I had to write for a longer trip, I could find an Internet cafe in most cities and write there.
  3. The iPhone. While I resisted getting an iPhone for 6 years, in June Eva bought me the iPhone 5 for Father’s Day. So I’m now a part of the smartphone masses. And I embraced it on this trip, carrying only the iPhone, no laptop or camera. I did my reading, Tweeting, email and other work on here. And of course used it to document my trip with sweet photos. Also included: the charging cord.
  4. Clothes: I favor workout clothes, because they are breathable, washable, comfortable and dry fast. So I wore the Ascent Pant, which looks a little dressy and is light and breathable. And a Precision T. And ExOfficio boxer briefs. I packed: another Precision T, two more boxer briefs, some workout socks, workout shorts, and a long-sleeve workout T-shirt. Just in case, I also packed a thin, lightweight Nike rain jacket (I didn’t need it this trip). Just in case it was cold, I also packed a beanie.
  5. Toiletries. Deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, nailclippers.
  6. Food. Just in case, I packed a handful of fruit & nut bars, and some raw almonds.
  7. Other. I also had a couple of notebooks and pens, for writing, my passport, earbuds, a travel towel, a sleep mask, ear plugs, and a universal travel adapter.

Total weight: under 8 lbs.

Questions and Answers

Q: Why travel without a laptop?

A: I liked traveling without all the weight. And I tend to use the laptop too much when I travel, so I thought the restriction of not having a laptop would be good for me. If I needed to write, I might have found a foldable keyboard for the iPhone, or used an Internet cafe.

Q: How do you travel with so few clothes?

A: I simply wash them in the shower, wring them out good, and hang them to dry in my hotel room. I didn’t need to wash the pants, though they’re easily washable (as opposed to jeans). If you wash underwear, a shirt and socks on most nights, you only need one or two changes.

Q: Why workout clothes and not cotton?

A: I love cotton. It’s just heavier, and it gets smellier, than the workout clothes I pack. And it takes longer to dry. And wrinkles more. So the clothes I brought solve all those problems, and they’re very comfortable.

Panel: How To Deal With And Create Change

On another note, I invite you to join me, Matt Frazier of No Meat Athlete, and Jesse Jacobs of Samovar Tea Lounge, for a great panel discussion we’re holding at Samovar Tea Lounge in San Francisco next week (Oct. 29) from 8-10 p.m.

If you’re interested, get tickets here:

How To Deal With And Create Change â€" Tea, Tips & Talk

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Exquisite Habits of the Founder of Blue Bottle Coffee

By Leo Babauta

When I sat down to interview James Freeman, founder of Blue Bottle Coffee, it was with some excitement, even nervousness. I am a big fan of his coffee, which is known worldwide for its beautiful quality.

Eva and I love to get a drip coffee or a small Gibraltar from Blue Bottle, and getting a bag of their beans is a special treat. And so, to dive into the mind of the founder of Blue Bottle … I was smiling.

In this video interview, the 3rd in my new Habits of Entrepreneurs series, I sat down with James at his office in Oakland, a block from Blue Bottle’s delicious-smelling roastery. His office is minimal, well-designed, a bit retro, with some great books on design and philosophy on his shelf.

I talked to James about how he founded the company, his habits around work and personal relationships, design, email, goals and long-term plans, and expectations.

It’s a wonderful interview â€" get the short version for free below, or subscribe to the Habits of Entrepreneurs series to get the full 45-minute interview (along with the other great stuff in the series).

Friday, October 18, 2013

3 Little Tricks to Deal With People Who Offend You

By Leo Babauta

Something that we struggle with daily, that eats us up and causes stress and anger: annoying people.

You know those people: they cut in line, are rude to you in the office or at the restaurant, cut you off in traffic, talk loudly about obnoxious things, play loud music when you’re trying to concentrate, interrupt you, and so on.

These offenses are violations of the way you think people should act. And so it burns you up. Don’t worry, I’m the same way.

If you just keep letting these offensive people get to you, you’ll always be mad or annoyed. Life won’t be very good. But it’s something you can learn to deal with.

I have to admit I’m not perfect at this, but here are three strategies I use that are helpful:

  1. Get Big. I learned this one from Zen teacher Robert Thomas, who uses “Get Big” as one of his slogans that helps him to be mindful. Imagine you’re a 2-year-old toddler, who can’t have a toy or some ice cream right this minute. This problem is your entire universe, because you have no perspective, and so … you throw a fit. This is the world of a 2-year-old (I should know, I’ve had 6 of them). But as adults, we know that this is a very small problem, and in fact there are lots of other things the 2-year-old could do to be happy. Sure, that’s easy for us â€" we have a bigger perspective. But when someone offends us, we have a small perspective â€" this little offense is the biggest thing in the world, and it makes us very angry. We throw the equivalent of a 2-year-old fit. But if we get a bigger perspective (Get Big), we can see that this little thing matters very little in the bigger picture. It’s not worth being angry over. So remind yourself to Get Big, then widen your perspective.
  2. Float Down the Stream. When I drive and other drivers do rude things, I often get angry. Then I remember a trick: I imagine myself floating down a stream in a raft, and the other cars are just twigs and leaves floating past me one way or another on this stream. They don’t have to treat me a certain way, because they’re just twigs. And so I serenely float down this stream, not worrying about how the twigs float around me (though I try not to hit them, because, you know, safety first). And in truth, this is how life is â€" other people aren’t trying to offend you, don’t even worry about you most of the time. They are just twigs floating by. Be nice to the twigs though.
  3. Give Them a Mental Hug. This little trick can transform the way I feel about someone who makes me angry. Let’s say someone has just said something rude to me. How dare they! Don’t they have any consideration for my feelings? But of course, in this reaction, I’m not having any consideration for their feelings â€" only mine matter. And so I try to empathize with this rude person, and realize that they’re angry, or scared, or both. They are being rude as a coping mechanism for their fear. And so, mentally (and once in a while physically), I give them a hug. I have compassion for this scared person, because I too am often scared. We’re the same. We need a hug, some compassion, a little love.

Try one of these three tricks the next time someone makes you mad or offends you. And then smile in serenity, armed with the comforting knowledge that, like me, you are superior to the rest of the world.

Monday, October 14, 2013

My Healthiest Travel Routine Yet

By Leo Babauta

On our trip to Europe the last couple of weeks, Eva and I tried a new experiment: we ate nothing like we normally do when we travel.

We ended up feeling healthier than ever, and I lost 5 lbs. on the trip. This is highly unusual for us, because usually we eat pretty much whatever we feel like when we travel, and end up heavier and feeling fatter at the end of the trip.

So what did we do differently? We ate no breads, sweets, potatoes, or white rice (in addition to not drinking beer or cocktails, only red wine). This is in addition, of course, to not eating meat, seafood, poultry, dairy or eggs (we’re vegan).

And the results? In short, it was less convenient, but healthier. More below.

This was an experiment, to see what it would be like, and in truth I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone. If you don’t like changing the way you do things, and want to eat anything you want, don’t do this. If you are tired of traveling and feeling crappy afterward because you ate crap, you might consider this.

The Plan

Eva and I were both actually doing eating challenges before the trip, for fun, but part of our idea for the challenges was to eat the same way on the Europe trip, with a few exceptions.

Here’s what we could and could not eat during the challenge:

  • Could not eat: Sweets (or sugar in general), white flour and breads in general, potatoes, white rice, beer or any alcohol except wine. Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, eggs of course. Fake meats (I’m not against vegan meat substitutes in general though, depending on the ingredients).
  • Could eat: Unsweetened coffee, some whole grains not ground into flour (oats, barley, quinoa, brown rice, etc.), beans, nuts, seeds, veggies, fruits, olive and canola oils.

However, we could have 4 exceptions during our two-week trip. That means if we had a meal with white rice and bread in it, that would be an exception. If we were walking down the street and decided to eat some dark chocolate (that had sugar), that would be an exception.

We were traveling to London, which we knew to be a good place for vegans, along with Frankfurt, Athens, Santorini, Rome, Venice and Vienna, some of which are not vegan-friendly places. So we knew we’d need those exceptions just to not starve on some days.

For exercise, we knew we’d be walking for hours each day, and we’d also be tired from taking 10 separate flights to 7 different cities (London and Athens twice) … so we kept our workouts minimal. The plan was to do short intense workouts for 2 days straight, then take 1 rest day, and repeat the entire trip.

The Results

I have to admit that this was one of the more difficult challenges, simply because some days there weren’t too many options for us. Some cities aren’t great for vegans, and the few things they do have for vegans tend to violate our challenge rules (breads and sweets, for example).

Being a vegan is already a limiting choice, but we were making it even more limited. It’s actually easy to do our challenge in San Francisco or New York or Portland, not so easy in Santorini.

But each city was different. London is easy â€" we went to Nama, Mildred’s and Tibits, but have also enjoyed Saf, Inspiral Lounge, Vanilla Black and others (and we haven’t tried many other great-sounding places).

Frankfurt actually has some decent options, but we arrived too late at night and the ones we went to were closed. Help! We ended up using our first exception on a desperate meal of french fries, fried potato chunks, and German beer. Not the greatest, but I liked the beer.

Athens isn’t horrible, as you can get beans and a Greek salad (minus the feta) and roasted vegetables at most Greek restaurants, but that gets tiring after a few meals (btw, the fava bean dip they serve usually has butter). Luckily, there’s Avocado restaurant, which is run by a lovely couple and saved us. We ate here three times.

Santorini is great if you eat seafood, but not great for vegans doing a challenge like ours. We ate lots of Greek salads, and drank red wine. We had some vegan bars we packed that had only fruit and nuts (no agave or brown rice syrup), so we supplemented with these.

Rome has some good options. We ended up eating at Beehive Cafe for both breakfast and dinner.

Venice is harder. There are almost no vegetarian restaurants in Venice, so we ate Indian one day (only dal, no naan or rice or roti) and a kosher restaurant another day (Gam Gam, lots of veg options), and a Middle Eastern restaurant (Frary’s, decent veg options), and took another cheat meal here with cheese-less pizza and pasta (not good).

Vienna was a dream. Surprisingly, lots of great vegan options. We ate at Harvest (awesome) and Yamm (great veg buffet) and for breakfast at at Corns n’ Pops (a do-it-yourself muesli place with soymilk options, recommended).

So yes, it was more difficult in some places, but others were awesome. And we didn’t feel unhealthy once on this trip.

For workouts, we often did pushups, squats, and lunges in our hotel room, but also did weight workouts when a gym was available. Or all-day pushups (sets of 10-20 pushups frequently throughout the day).

Overall, I’ve never been healthier on a trip, never felt better. It was more inconvenient, but I’m glad I did it.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Startup Founder Megan Casey’s Habits of Priorities

By Leo Babauta

Megan Casey, founder of social media startup Pack and co-founder of Squidoo, recently added a new top priority to her already full plate: a daughter.

After giving birth to her daughter Eowyn about a year ago, Megan’s priorities had to shift. Her life began anew.

There’s her daughter and her startup Pack, then her dog Luna, then her husband Jack, among other priorities.

In this video, the 2nd interview in my Habits of Entrepreneurs series, Megan shares how she deals with all these top priorities.

She also shares how she uses friends and colleagues to help her build the habits that have helped her found two excellent social startups.

It’s a great interview â€" get the short version for free below, or subscribe to the Habits of Entrepreneurs series to get the full 45-minute interview (along with the other great stuff in the series).

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

My Pursuit of the Art of Living

By Leo Babauta

For many years I simply lived, and got by.

But in the last few years, after learning a bit about habits and mindfulness and simplicity and love, I have changed my approach to living.

Now I see living as an art form, to be studied and played with and practiced and mastered. Of course, few ever master the art of living, and I don’t know if I ever will. Probably not.

But I can pursue this art. I can appreciate it when others do it well. I can learn about it, through experiments and observation and introspection.

My pursuit of the art of living is only just beginning, but I thought I’d share a bit about this pursuit with you, my good friends.

Beginning the Pursuit

The journey begins with a single step, a wise man said, and for me that first step is simple:

Admit I don’t know.

Learning begins by emptying your cup, so that you can fill it with what you find. Emptying your cup means getting rid of pre-set opinions.

I don’t know what the art of living is, but I am curious.

And so the path is one of open hands, of curiosity and finding out.

And it’s one of bare feet, of being open and naked, willing to be exposed to life and chaos.

It’s about clear seeing, mindfulness turned to seeing reality as it is, without trying to make things rosy or conform to the story you tell yourself.

Clear seeing, naked, open hands, curious without knowing. That’s the path that I’ve found, so far.

The Art Emerges

With clear seeing, I start to see why I (and others) suffer, why we stress and get mad at each other and want more and more.

And now I can start to apply the art of living to my days.

Here’s what I practice with, imperfectly:

  • Compassion. Instead of being angry or frustrated, I find the pain in others, and open my heart to them. This includes compassion for myself.
  • Gratitude. Life is filled with wonder, and the people around me as well. I try to open myself to that wonder, and be grateful it’s there, instead of complaining.
  • Joyfear. Joy is an awesome thing to have, but joyfear is present in the powerful moments in life where joy and fear mix, where we’re taking chances and doing something outside of our comfort zone that both excites us and makes us face the possibility of failure. I now embrace these moments rather than avoiding them.
  • Not avoiding discomfort or uncertainty. When we avoid discomfort, we are limited by our comfort zone, and new learning and new ventures become impossible. When we avoid uncertainty, we only stick to what we know. But we can purposely become good at discomfort and uncertainty, by practicing in small bite-sized chunks, over and over.
  • Staying with the moment, even when it’s hard. This is the hardest of all. “Living in the moment” sounds wonderful, but actually staying with the present moment isn’t ever easy. Try it: with your eyes open, sit still and stay with the sights and sounds around you for 1 minute, without your mind wandering away from them. If you don’t notice your mind wandering, either you’re an experienced mindfulness practitioner, or you didn’t notice when your mind wandered.
  • Relationships are everything. Getting what we want, having things our way, having control, being right … these things matter nothing compared to relationships. Imagine being in your death bed at the age of 80 … will your sense of being right and in control comfort you when you have no good relationships, no one who has loved you? Put relationships first.
  • Not holding on to expectations & judgments. Expectations and judgments prevent me from enjoying what I have, from enjoying the simple presence of someone else in my life. I practice with noticing these expectations and judgments, and practice with holding them loosely, letting them go.
  • Letting go. This is the art of living in two words: letting go. It’s letting go of judgments, expectations, wanting to be right, wanting to control, fear of discomfort, fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, fear of boredom, comparing myself to others, wanting distraction, being irritated, complaining. It’s noticing when I’m holding these, and letting go. Loosening my heart’s grip on any of these, and letting go. And then letting go again. And again.

And so the art of living is a practice, one that doesn’t end, that doesn’t have a mastery level. It’s a constant letting go, a constant picking up again, and then letting go again. And falling, and getting up without beating myself up.

The art of living is the art of getting back up.

Friday, October 4, 2013

A Month Without TV or Video

‘I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.’ ~Groucho Marx

By Leo Babauta

Of all the challenges I’ve done for The Year of Living Without, going without TV/video has been the one with the most mixed feelings for me.

One side of me: I all of a sudden had more free time, to read, write, do whatever I wanted without distraction. I enjoyed being free of TV and movies.

But the other side: I couldn’t hang out with my family when they watched TV. Which they tend to want to do every night, for an hour or two. I honestly didn’t want to watch the TV shows with them (we don’t have cable, but watch shows we pick on iTunes), but when they watched, I was isolated. This wasn’t always great.

I could have asked them to not watch TV, to join me, and some nights I did. I enjoyed those nights. We would hang out and talk, instead of staring at moving images. But I didn’t want to force them to go without something just because I wanted to experiment with it myself, so I tried to allow them to watch, most of the time. So I would go to my room and read.

And so the results are mixed.

Here are my findings after a month of no TV and video:

  • Well, in the beginning, I forgot to not watch online video, and so I slipped up once and watched this video on how the iPhone is isolating us. I’m glad I watched it, but when I realized I’d already violated my challenge, only a day or so into the month, I felt bad.
  • A number of other times I automatically clicked on an online video, to watch, and had to turn it off after a few seconds when I realized what I was doing.
  • I don’t really miss video online. It’s not a big deal to me.
  • I wanted to do yoga this month, just 5-10 minutes every evening, but couldn’t watch yoga videos. So I had to make stuff up on my own.
  • I did feel isolated from my family, as I said, when they would watch TV. It would be great if we could find some non-TV things to do in the evening instead. They love board games, so I might start proposing that we play board games together some evenings.
  • On my daughter Maia’s birthday, she wanted us all to watch the first episode of Naruto, one of her favorite anime shows. I had to sit out. I felt bad.
  • I did feel good skipping out on watching a bunch of re-runs of our favorite TV shows. We often just watch these things out of habit, because there’s nothing better to do. I’m not proud of it. I don’t think it’s a good use of our time. So I’m glad I sat it out (again, if it weren’t for having to miss hanging out with Eva and the kids).
  • I got more reading and work done this month than normal. Really great.

So what will I do going forward? Here are my thoughts:

  1. I’m not going to watch online videos unless it’s to learn something useful (no entertainment videos).
  2. Only one movie at the theaters per month, so I’ll have to be more choosy.
  3. Propose board games or other activities with the kids in the evening, instead of TV.
  4. I’ll allow myself 2 hours of TV a week. So 1 hour, twice a week. No reruns.

A Month Without Sugar

In October, I’m going without sugar all month.

I actually don’t eat a lot of sugar these days. When I first set out on this challenge, I was eating more sugar than I am now, so it seemed like a hard thing to do. I don’t think it’ll be too hard, except for a couple things:

  1. Eva & I are traveling through Europe for the first part of this month, so I can’t eat any desserts on our travel. Tasting yummy vegan foods as we travel is a tradition, so I’ll be breaking that.
  2. My son Justin’s birthday is at the end of the month. We usually do pancakes or waffles or French toast for their birthday breakfasts, and birthday cake later in the day, so I’ll be skipping out on that stuff.

It’ll be a bit of a challenge, but I think I’ll be OK. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Way of No Debt

By Leo Babauta

In 2005, one of the low points of my life, I had 5 kids, crippling debts, and was barely making it from paycheck to paycheck.

I would shove my bills in a drawer, envelopes unopened, so I didn’t have to deal with bills I couldn’t pay. I would avoid the calls of collection agencies. I was swimming in debt, and didn’t know how to get out.

The real low point, though, came when we didn’t have enough money to buy some milk and cereal for the kids. My bank account had a negative balance. So I stole money from my kids’ piggy bank to buy the food. Yeah, that didn’t feel good.

Things went on like this for awhile before I finally decided it was time to face the fears, see my situation clearly, and start doing something about it.

Here’s what I did:

  1. I finally faced the problem: I took the bills out of the drawer, and make a spreadsheet with all my debts, the amounts, and the minimum monthly payments.
  2. I took a look at our spending, and realized we needed to stop the bleeding before we could start healing. We were spending more than we earned, or at best, all of what we earned.
  3. So we cut out all kinds of expenses: cable TV, one of our cars, magazine subscriptions, daily lattes, going to the movies with the kids, buying new things other than actual necessities, going to the mall for entertainment, eating out, buying convenience food. Many of these things we cut out gradually, a month at a time, but some we cut out right away.
  4. We started a spending plan â€" most bills were put on automatic payment, and a few discretionary categories (food, gas, etc.)
  5. I started an emergency fund.
  6. I started paying off the debts, one at a time.
  7. I renegotiated with some of our creditors.
  8. We found other fun ways to have fun as a family.
  9. I started earning more as a freelancer, to bring in extra income.
  10. I started this blog, and sold my first ebook 11 months later, to make more income.

Then we got out of debt. And stayed out. We haven’t been in debt one single minute since then. It’s wonderful.

The Way of No Debt

The first part of the Way of No Debt is getting out of it. The steps I took above are how I did that. It’s the hardest part, but definitely worth it.

The Way is then a transition from being in debt, to living debt-free.

First, we kept living frugally for awhile â€" we didn’t really loosen up, and that meant we put a lot of our income to savings. We grew our emergency fund to the recommended 6-month cushion, which was important to me as a self-employed business owner.

Then I started looking to invest, and invested in index funds, which are pretty basic but low-cost and low-worry investment vehicles. Then I learned about tax-advantaged investment vehicles like IRAs, and got me some of those. I’m still learning about all of this, but the important thing is that I got started.

The Way is now just a philosophy, of not going into debt. I use credit cards now, but pay them off completely every month (for awhile, I paid them off weekly, then just set up autopay). I don’t have a car, but the last time I did, we bought it used, with cash. We don’t have a mortgage. We live within our means, and spend less than we earn.

This means we don’t worry about finances, for the most part. It means we don’t pay interest. We earn interest. We aren’t tied to a house, we don’t have anything expensive we’d need to sell, and we live lightly.

This is the Way of No Debt, and I recommend it highly.

The Sea Change Program: Debt Reduction/Elimination

If you’d like help forming the habits that will help you get out of debt, I’d like to offer my Sea Change Program, which I’ve created to help people form habits and change their lives.

In October, we’ll be focusing on the Debt Reduction/Elimination Habit, and I invite you to join us. The module will consist of:

  1. A simple plan to follow â€" 5 minutes a day
  2. A few articles during the month to help you implement healthy eating changes
  3. Reminder emails every day (if you want them) to help you stick with the changes
  4. An accountability group in the Sea Change forum to keep you on track
  5. A live video webinar in the middle of the month to help you beat healthy eating obstacles, and allow you to ask questions

Five tools that will help you stay on track with this new healthy habit, for $10 a month (we have a different module each month).

Sign up for the Sea Change Program here.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Letting Go: How to Live With the Loss of a Loved One

Note from Leo: This is a guest post from my friend, Suraj Shah, who wrote this post as a favor to me after a reader asked about how to deal with the loss of a loved one.

Suraj writes regularly about dealing with loss on his blog, Live With Loss.

I’ll hand it over to Suraj now:

Editor’s Note: Guest post by Suraj Shah.

In the midst of a busy life flooded with demands from all directions, the loss of a loved one can be striking enough to stop us in our tracks, forcing us to evaluate what’s important and question how to move forward in life.

But the months following the death of someone we care about can be filled with a whole array of emotions ranging from anger and sadness, through to guilt and even relief.

The grip these feelings have over us can leave us feeling stuck, confused and distraught.

The single biggest cause of this ‘stuckness’ is attachment â€" gripping firmly onto someone who is no longer in your life, and the pushes and pulls that make that relationship what it is.

Lets explore this root cause of the pain that you may be going through and discover a way to calm the volatile emotions.

1. Identify the attachments in your relationship

We can start by looking at the various types of attachments from your relationship.

What pains you the most about them no longer being in your life? What are the pushes and pulls that made your relationship what it was?

  • shelter: You may have depended on them to look after you, to care for your health, to keep a roof over your head.

  • companionship: You may miss them being in your life â€" someone to hang out with, to have a coffee with, to watch a movie with.

  • someone to confide in: They may have been one of the few people who you could talk to about anything, who you could trust to keep a secret, to help you work through problems in other areas of your life.

  • attending events: They may have been the one attending all events and social functions with you. You may be terrified at the prospect of now attending them alone â€" perhaps you’re even considering not attending social events at all.

  • doing work around the house: They may have been a master in the kitchen or the DIY expert. Now who will make your meals? Who will fix the leaky tap?

  • managing finances: They may have been the primary breadwinner, or perhaps contributed to your household’s monthly expenses. You may be concerned about how you’ll now manage.

  • organisation: They may have been perfect at keeping everything in order in your life or your business. Without them, you fear that everything will be up in the air.

  • humour: They may have been the playful mischievous one in the relationship â€" the one who kept things light when the world got too serious.

  • unresolved issues: Perhaps you had a fight before they died, or you both harboured resentment for many years and never managed to resolve it.

  • role of carer: They may have had a painful long term illness where you were caring for them. The role of carer may have been your identity for a long time. Now you may feel their pain has ended and you no longer have to care for them 24/7. Perhaps you feel relieved that you don’t have to be a carer anymore. You may even feel guilty about feeling relieved, coupled with confusion about who you are now that your identity of being the carer has been stripped away.

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking about the source of the feeling you may be experiencing. They’re there to help you work out what it is you may miss about them no longer being with you â€" and also what you feel now that they’ve gone.

2. Introspect the true nature of the relationship

Having identified the various attachments from your relationship, we can now start to take a closer look at the true nature of your relationship, and of the attachments that bound you to each other.

It’s time for some important and perhaps difficult questions. But if you can be sincere with yourself, you will be able to start to loosen the grip that these attachments and these emotions have over you.

Q: Were they going to live forever?

The various people we have in our lives, particularly those closest to us such as our parents, our siblings, our husband or wife, and our children â€" we think will be around forever.

We take them for granted. We expect that when we see them off in the morning and head to work or to school, that we’ll see them again in the evening.

But we know, from our experiences in life and from what we see in the news, that this isn’t always the case.

In life, death is inevitable. It is also unpredictable.

It’ll happen to us all, and to all those we are so fond of, but we just don’t know when.

We started with this question â€" probably the hardest to think about and to accept â€" but is one that is essential for us to look life straight in the eyes and say:

“Yes, ok, let me live fully now that I see life for what it is.”

Q: Was your attachment permanent or temporary?

Take a look at each of the attachments in your relationship and ask yourself: Was it permanent or was it temporary? While they lived, did you have that all the time, or did it come and go?

Lets delve into a few of the attachments we identified earlier:

  • attending events: Did you ALWAYS attend events together? What about before you met each other? What about when one person was unwell or just didn’t feel like going? Perhaps at times you went alone or with someone else. Did you manage ok? Now that the one you love is no longer with you, you could comfortably attend events alone or with someone else. You may even choose to reduce the number of events you attend from now on and start to do other activities and form a different social circle. Even that’s ok.

  • managing finances: Did you ALWAYS have them as a source of income for your household? Was there ever a point in your life where you managed ok financially by yourself? Did you ever get financial support from someone else in your life? The loss of a loved one can cause a large financial hit and this can add a lot of pressure to life. But there may be solutions available to help reduce this burden. It may mean temporarily receiving financial support, changing to a job that pays more and where you are doing the work you love, or minimising your outgoings.

  • role of carer: Although you may feel guilty at the relief that you don’t have to constantly care for them anymore, think back to a time when you didn’t have to care for them, when they were independently able to do whatever they needed. Were you ALWAYS a carer? Have you had other roles in your life? Think about what you might want to start doing again, or perhaps take on a new role doing something you’ve never considered before.

    “It might seem sad, but we are forced to reinvent our lives when a loved one dies, and in this reinvention is opportunity. Which I think is beautiful.” â€" Leo Babauta

You will find, as you introspect further, that you sought some form of happiness, comfort or control from each element of the relationship. But was any of this constant and long lasting?

You’ll see that it wasn’t. Throughout your entire relationship together, it came and it went.

Nothing in the world around us or in the relationships that bind us is constant or permanent.

Q: What is truly everlasting?

So if nothing in the world around us is permanent, then what is truly everlasting? What can you hold onto? What can you blend tightly with your heart?

It’s their qualities. Who they were at their core.

When I think about my mum, I remember what she gave that was everlasting and what I now hold firmly in my heart:

  • laughter and lightness
  • calm and patience
  • always present and a great listener

Recollect what you loved the most about them, what they taught you, what they have helped you to become.

Imbibe these in your life. These can stay with you forever.

3. Let go to cultivate life-lightening detachment

Letting go is a gradual process.

Take a good honest look at each of your attachments and gradually let each one go â€" allowing yourself the time and the space to appreciate the transitory nature of the world in which we live.

By introspecting on the true nature of your relationship, your pain and sorrow will gradually lift away. You will feel lighter.

This will bring about a type of detachment in all your relationships that keep them rich while together with someone, yet help you to experience less suffering when you naturally part ways.

“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”

Wishing you calmer days ahead and clarity over the purpose with which you lead your life.

Suraj Shah is a bereavement support visitor, writer and speaker, based in London UK. Visit livewithloss.com for guidance to help you through your loss and lead a calm, purposeful life.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Way to Be

By Leo Babauta

Last night I received a phone call from a loved one, someone who I love deeply but have struggled with internally because I’ve been worried about his health.

I want to help him, because I feel I’m losing him.

I want to show him my habit method, so he can give up smoking and drinking and eating unhealthy foods, can take up exercise and meditation, and all of a sudden be transformed into a healthy person again.

And of course, I can’t. I want to control something that scares me, but I can’t. I’m not in control of the universe (haven’t been offered the job yet), and I’m not in control of anyone else. I want to help, but can’t.

So I melted.

Not melted as in “had a meltdown”, which sounds wonderful if you like melted foods but actually isn’t. I melted as in I stopped trying to control, stopped trying to change him, and instead softened and accepted him for who he is.

And guess what? Who he is? It’s wonderful. Who he is â€" it’s super awesome mad wonderful. He’s funny and loving and wise and passionate and crazy and thoughtful and philosophical and did I mention crazy?

I melted, and accepted, and only then could I actually enjoy his presence instead of worrying about losing him or changing him.

And this, as I’ve learned, is the best way to be.

We can stop trying to change people, and just melt into their presence, just notice who they really are, just appreciate it. We can stop complaining about our life circumstances, about our losses, about how the world is, and just melt into it.

Just accept. Just notice. Just appreciate.

This is the way to be.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Ramit Sethi’s Entrepreneurial Habits

By Leo Babauta

When I sat down to interview Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich for my new Habits of Entrepeneur video series, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

This is a man who is enormously successful, but his philosophy seems very different than mine. Still, I respect him tremendously, and couldn’t wait to dig into his mind and habits.

It turns out, maybe unsurprisingly, that Ramit is a very sharp guy. He’s intensely interested in optimizing his life, and has learned a lot about himself and how to turn his limitations into strengths.

In this interview (you can watch part of it for free, above), Ramit shared how he starts his day, how he keeps things organized and easy to actually do, how he uses challenges, how he stays fit, and much more.

This is the first interview in the Habits of Entrepeneur video series, and I’m excited to share the rest with you soon. I plan to have one new video out every 2 weeks (I already have 6 months’ worth recorded!).

Watch the video above, and then feel free to check out the full video by subscribing â€" for $9/month, your subscription gets:

  1. A new Habits of Entrepreneurs video interview every 2 weeks, emailed to your inbox
  2. Bonus videos: Leo’s Entrepreneurial Habits, Leo’s Habits for Creating, and How to Create Habits
  3. Bonus ebook: Leo’s Zen to Done - The Ultimate Simple Productivity System ($9.50 value)
  4. Bonus ebook package: Leo’s focus: a simplicity manifesto in the age of distraction ($34.95 value)

Read more.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Time to Shut Down

By Leo Babauta

In our lives immersed in technology, we rarely shut everything off.

We turn on when we wake up, and are on our devices until we go to sleep. And every hour in between.

I’m not immune to this. Very few people these days are.

And yet, there’s value in shutting everything down, so that we can reconnect with life. With people. With the moment. With ourselves.

There’s a time to work hard, and there should be a time to shut down. Otherwise, it all blends together and nothing has any space.

What time will you shut down today?

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The Pain & Beauty of Life Changes

By Leo Babauta

The reason for our suffering is our resistance to the changes in life.

And life is all changes.

While I resist change (and suffer) just like anyone else, I have learned to adapt. I’ve learned some flexibility. I’ve realized this:

Everything changes, and this is beautiful.

The Pain of Life’s Changes

What do I mean that our suffering comes from resistance to the changes in life?

Let’s take a look at some things that give us trouble:

  • Someone yells at you at work. The change is rooted in the fact that we expect people to treat us kindly and fairly and with respect, but the reality is that they don’t always. When they don’t, we resist this reality, and want things to be the way we want them to be. And so we get mad, or hurt, or offended.
  • Your 3-year-old (or 13-year-old) won’t listen to you. Again, you expect your child to behave a certain way, but of course reality is different. And when reality doesn’t conform to our expectations, we are stressed out.
  • You lose your job. This is a huge change, that affects not only your financial stability, but your identity. If you are a teacher, and lose your teaching job, you now have to deal with the changes in how you see yourself. This can be very difficult. Resisting these changes (and the financial constraints that come with the job loss) can be very painful.
  • You have too many tasks and feel overwhelmed. What is the change here? We want things to be in control, but of course they aren’t. New tasks and information come in, new requests, new demands. And these are changes that are difficult, because we thought we had our day under control, and now it’s not. And so we feel overwhelmed and stressed.
  • A loved one dies. One of the ultimate changes is death, of course, but what has changed? Well, the person is obviously no longer in our life (at least, not in the same way), but just as painfully, we are not the same person when a loved one dies. We have to change who we are â€" we’re now a widower instead of a husband, a father without his daughter, or a friend who is left alone (for example). We want life to be the way it was, but it isn’t, so we grief, we rage.

That’s just a start. Things change all the time, and we resist it. Our day changes, our relationships change, other people don’t act the way they should, we ourselves are changing, constantly, and this is hard to deal with.

So this is the pain of change, of not being in control, of things not meeting our expectations.

How do we cope?

The Beauty of Life Changes

We can cope with the pain in numerous ways: get angry and yell, drink or do drugs, eat junk food, watch TV or find other distractions. We can find positive ways to cope with the stress and hurt and anger: exercise, talking about our problems with a friend, or trying to take control of the situation in some way (planning, taking action, having a difficult conversation to work out differences, etc.).

Or, we can embrace the changes.

If changes are a basic fact of life (actually life is nothing but change), then why resist? Why not embrace and enjoy?

See the beauty of change.

It’s hard, because we’re so used to resisting.

Let’s put aside our resistance and judgments for a few minutes, and look for beauty in life’s changes:

  • Someone yells at you at work. This person is hurting, frustrated, angry, and is taking it out on you. They are reaching out, trying to control the chaos of life (uselessly of course), and are not succeeding. Can you empathize with this? Have you ever felt this? There is beauty in our similarities, in our joint pain, in our connection as humans. Mentally embrace this beautiful, hurting human being, feel his pain, give your compassion.
  • Your 3-year-old (or 13-year-old) won’t listen to you. Amazingly, your child is asserting her independence. She is showing that she’s a full human being, not just a robot who follows orders. Have you ever been in that position? Have you ever been frustrated by someone else trying to control you? There is beauty in this independence, this fighting spirit, this rebellion. That’s what life is (OK, life is change, but also rebellion against control). Smile at this beauty, love it, give your child some space to grow.
  • You lose your job. As difficult as this is, it’s an ending, but also a beginning. It’s the start of a new journey, the opportunity to refresh your life, to reinvent who you are. See the beauty in this opportunity, the liberation from the “usual way”.
  • You have too many tasks and feel overwhelmed. This is difficult, without a doubt, but it’s possible to surrender to the chaos of tasks and information and demands. You can’t do them all at once, but you can let go of wanting things to be under your complete control. There is beauty in this chaos. It is random, it is crazy, it is life. See the pain of your resistance, and the beauty in this struggle as well. Then realize you can only do one thing at a time, and do that. Then let that go, and do the next thing. By embracing the chaos and seeing the beauty in it, we can be less overwhelmed and stressed out.
  • A loved one dies. Maybe the hardest one of all â€" it’s indubitably sad. But death is an ending, which is a necessity. Ending are necessary for beauty: otherwise we don’t appreciate the thing, because it’s unlimited. Limits are beauty. And death is the ultimate limit, a reminder that we need to appreciate this beautiful thing called life while we have it. Death is also a beginning â€" not in the sense of an afterlife, but a beginning for the survivors. While we have lost an important person, this ending, like the loss of a job, is a moment of reinvention. It might seem sad, but we are forced to reinvent our lives when a loved one dies, and in this reinvention is opportunity. Which I think is beautiful. Finally, of course, death is an opportunity to remember the person’s life, and be grateful for what they gave us.

The possibilities of finding beauty in our struggles with change are endless. And, I believe, that’s beautiful in its own way.

Monday, September 16, 2013

8 Creativity Lessons from a Pixar Animator

‘I want to put a ding in the universe.’ ~Steve Jobs

By Leo Babauta

Sometimes immersing yourself in the creative world of people doing amazing things can bring unexpected results.

My son Justin is interested in 3D animation, and my daughter Chloe is into screenwriting, and so it was a thrill to take them on a tour of Pixar Animation Studios, courtesy of one of the Pixar animators.

Bernhard Haux is a “character technical director”, which in his case means he models characters and works on their internal motions (I think â€" I didn’t fully grasp the lingo). Which means he is just a small piece in the larger Pixar machine, but a piece that’s aware of what everyone else is doing too. He’s worked on major movies such as Up, Brave, Monsters U and others in the last 6 years.

Bernhard was gracious enough to show us around the Pixar campus, and while we couldn’t really dig into their super-secret process, we did get a few glimpses of the magic.

And as a result of these small glimpses, I learned some surprising things.

I’d like to share them here, in hopes that they’ll inspire others as they inspired me.

Creativity Lessons

Bernhard actually answered a whole bunch of our questions, and I was too polite to record it all, so here are a few things I remember:

  1. Tenacity matters. Bernhard told a story of a friend who did a drawing every day, for more than 3 years, and became amazingly good by the end of that stint. He shared Looney Toons legendary animator Chuck Jones’ assertion that you have to draw 100,000 bad drawings before you have a good drawing. Bernhard said you might not seem very good at something when you start out, but if you’re persistent, tenacious even, you can get amazingly good.
  2. Art is your particular telling of reality. When we talked about letting go of preconceived ideas and drawing what you actually see, Bernhard compared it to a night out with one of his friends. While Bernhard might just recount that night by saying, “We went out and had some food and went home”, his friend might have noticed a lot of interesting details that Bernhard didn’t, and tell a story with those details in a way that’s interesting and hilarious. Same experience, different interpretation, different details.
  3. Feed off others’ ideas. When Pixar artists create characters, it’s not a matter of one artist sketching out how he thinks a character should look. They sit around a table, each drawing ideas, putting them in the middle, and others taking those ideas and riffing off them. Dozens and dozens of sketches come out from this process, until they find the one that works best. This means everyone’s creativity builds on the creativity of everyone else. This, btw, can help you even if you don’t have a bunch of other geniuses to work with â€" find others who are creating cool things, and riff off them, and share your riffs.
  4. Let go of ego. Imagine if you’ve put a great sketch into the pile, and you think it’s the one that should be used. But because so many talented artists are throwing ideas into the pile, the fact is that most ideas/sketches won’t be used. They’ll be discarded. If you want your idea to win, you’ll fight for it, but this only hurts the process. Pixar animators have to let go of their egos, and put the best interests of the project first. I think this is true of any creative project.
  5. Everyone should know the mission well. Some studios outsource their animation work overseas, but then the animators often don’t know what the movie is about, and don’t really care about the final process, because they’re just doing one tiny piece. But at Pixar, everyone involved is pushing forward, trying to create the best movie possible, and they take pride in this mission. That means that everyone is invested in the mission, everyone truly cares about the work they’re producing, and it shows in the final creation.
  6. Lots of hard work, tiny but amazing results. When Pixar created Brave, deleted scenes that didn’t make the final cut would have made the movie 5 times as long. A ton of little visual jokes didn’t make the movie. That means that hours and hours of creative, brilliant work were thrown out, and only the best of the best of all of this creative process actually was used. That’s a lot of amazing stuff, to get very little. That means what we actually see is of incredible quality.
  7. Surround yourself with heroes. When Bernhard was intervied at Pixar about 6 years ago, it took all day. The list of people interviewing him was a list of his personal heroes. That’s who he works with, the best in the world. How inspiring is that? You’d jump out of bed to get to work each morning, wouldn’t you? Of course, not all of us are that lucky, but we can surround ourselves with the work of our heroes, and use them for inspiration, maybe even reach out and meet one or two of them someday. Shoot for the stars, or at least illuminate your life with their light.
  8. Help those just starting out. Bernhard took the time out of his day to give us a tour, because a teen-age young man is interested in computer animation. That’s exceptional. His reasoning: ” I was where Justin is right now, and it’s nice to pass on what I know today. Passion and dreams are important to keep alive.” How many of us do that?

Bernhard, thank you. And thank you to everyone out there who is making something, inspiring others, letting go of ego, taking time to help those just starting out, and showing us that tenaciousness pays off. We all owe you, for what you put into this world.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Zen Mountain: Leave It All Behind

“What day is it?”
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.

By Leo Babauta

Last weekend I spent nearly four days leading a retreat, at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center. To get to this Zen center, you make a journey through a twisting bumpy rising falling mountain road, and then you’ve arrived.

And what a place to arrive at! It’s a place of peace, with a silently gushing river, people meditating all the time, everyone walking slowly, no distractions, constant gratitude and mindfulness. A beautiful place of peace.

As I contemplated the peace of leaving it all behind, I wondered why we need a place in the mountains for this kind of peace.

And so I’ve been practicing (imperfectly, of course) leaving it all behind, no matter what I’m doing.

What is this like?

Imagine you’re going to meet with someone, but you’re still thinking about the project you’ve been working on. You’ve brought the project with you. It distracts you so that you don’t fully hear the person you’re with, and they can sense your lack of attention, your lack of presence. This hurts the relationship. It stresses you out, because you’re working on the project and talking with someone at the same time. You are less competent with one task because you’re still thinking about another.

Stress, less competency, and hurt relationships. This is what we have when we bring everything with us to every activity.

But if you can leave the project behind, the talk will be much better. You’ll be fully present, fully engaged. Less stressed.

A place of peace.

How to Leave It All Behind

So how do we leave everything behind, so that we can find peace?

It’s not easy. It’s practice, then more practice. But it’s worthwhile practice.

Here’s what I’ve been doing:

When I arrive in a new place, or talk to someone, or start something new … I pause.

Then I take a brief moment to journey through the mountain road, leaving behind the rest of my life. I let go, by loosening my grip, by relaxing instead of grasping. I see it fall behind.

I then arrive in the new place. I look around, smile, enjoy. I inhabit the new place. I give thanks for being here.

Then I put my attention on this new place. This new person. This new activity.

When I notice my attention wander, I return.

I let go of the need to check, to constantly be busy with something else, to know what’s going on or to do everything.

I am just here.

And here is great.