Some Advice on Advice at Work

Be careful when you give advice--somebody might take it." Anonymous.

Most of us enjoy giving advice. If you're a manager, it may even make you feel a lot more managerial. And let's be honest, advice is a lot more fun than criticism.

What Kind of Advice Is Desired?

Counselors know that when someone arrives for a first visit, the story that unfolds is usually the "presenting" problem. It's not necessarily a matter of deception. We may not feel comfortable "putting it all out there" quite yet. Or, we may not even be clear about what the real issue is, which is why we want to talk it through in the first place.

Advice & The Workplace

If you can't tell what your employee or boss wants by how a subject is introduced, ask a few questions. Does the person want:

• To hear critical information and facts?

• To know your opinion on an issue?

• To get help with generating alternatives to a situation?

• To know how you went about doing something?

• To check out his or her reasoning on a decision?

It's easy to fall into the instant response trap; we all want to be helpful. Sometimes that kind of help isn't helpful at all.

Ask specifically what the other person wants. It will save you both a lot of time and lead to more satisfying results.

Five Messages That It's Time For A Change

If you've ever wondered what executive coaches really do that's truly valuable, it's this: We create a relationship that enables people to clearly see reality.

Life isn't a part of business; business is a part of life. So, everything of consequence leads to confronting and resolving some kind of issue that leads to a choice about personal change. All of the choices aren't always huge, but they are necessary in order to develop more healthy and effective patterns of work and leadership.

What To Look For

I started thinking about the kinds of signs that flash to indicate the person across the table really does need to make a change. Maybe one or more apply to you as well. Here are five that stand out for me:

1. People whom you trust strongly believe you should make a change.

Let's be honest: sometimes other people see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Sure, it's important not to base your life on what others think. But if six people who have your best interests at heart all tell you the same thing, it's a good idea to pay attention.

Note: Last year an executive client who received almost unanimous feedback on certain behaviors chose to explain away every last one, attributing the information to the fact that "no one really understands me". Actually, they did. He is no longer working for that company.

2. You're holding on to something and just can’t let go.

It's happened to all of us: we have an incident or a nagging situation, and are then unable to forget about it. That's a signal that you just might want to make a change. If you  can’t accept the fact that your manager won't acknowledge your contributions, maybe it’s time to update your resume and put it into circulation. There are times when letting go requires real action, not just a mental exercise.

3. You feel envious of what other people have achieved.

This involves action, too. Jealousy can devour us from the inside out if we let it. At the same time, it can be a signal that we have some meaningful goals on which we've taken zero action. If you find yourself resentful of a colleague who recently earned a professional certification, maybe you should ask yourself what kinds of professional accreditations you've been putting off. That could be the springboard to an advanced degree or a special class in your particular discipline.

4. You deny any problem--and are angry in the process.

I do a lot of confidential, "remedial" coaching for people who have been accused of acting in a harrassing or hostile manner.

Anger is a common symptom of denial. (Assuming that the evidence is valid; otherwise, there's darned good reason to be angry).

One way to get through the whole denial thing is to look for--or help someone else see--an abundance of objective evidence. That's why, in business, 360 feedback is usually pretty effective. The truth will, indeed, set you free. It does, however, seem scary in the moment.

5. If you do absolutely nothing, the problem will continue.

Interpersonal "stuff" is common in the land of cube-dwellers.

Let's say your next-door cubie listens to news radio all day, and you are really tired of hearing  Traffic on the Twos. Perhaps if you just let her know it was getting in the way of your work, she'd get a set of earbuds. Or, maybe not. But nothing will happen unless you broach the issue in a calm way. And you'll know that you took action, which will give you an internal sense of honesty and integrity. That almost always leads to a better sense of self.

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On a lighter note, we've made a little change here that's proven to be a good move. Every so often I'll toss in a favorite software recommendation or new gadget that I think will be useful to a number of readers. As a coffee hound, this one reeled me in. It's something you've no doubt seen but in a new format: The Keurig Vue Brewing System with (drumroll) RFID technology.

It seems that research showed that some of Keurig's machines may have turned out to be somewhat complicated for the typical user. This one actually has a radio-frequency identification (RFID)that reads tags on its single serving containers of coffee grounds. It may seem a bit eerie, but it knows the kind of coffee you are trying to make and it guides you. (It really does).

I like the new options that enable me to easily tweak the size and strength (I want it bold) of my cup of coffee. I can even easily adjust the temperature.

I know it's not software or the latest twitter app, but let's face it--a quick, tailor-made cup of coffee is something that the solopreneur and the corporate mucky-mucky both long for. Oh--and there are no shortage of choices when it comes to flavors. I went online to order the packets  and there was everything from Hazelnut and the flavored variety to the bold and the beautiful: Sumatra, my fave.

Note: I don't receive any commissions on sales but I'll feel pretty good if someone else enjoys a quick, good cup of coffee. (I don't think you need an antenna for the RFID:-)

Managers: Increase Feedback, Reduce Stress

"Whatever is unresolved becomes a stressor"

Managers add stress to their lives by postponing important conversations and letting them build up until their heads start to feel like a balloon waiting to burst. Or, we try to submerge those thoughts until we discover that they tend to pop out in strange and often harmful ways. How many times have we received--or given--a terse comment that really was the result of some long- unspoken feeling?

Why Does Feedback Matter?

Feedback started as a term used to describe the signals sent from a rocket back to earth in order to determine the accuracy of the rocket's course. By tracking speed and trajectory, ground crews could determine when and where to make corrections.

At some point in time, the term Feedback was incorporated into business language as a way to talk about performance. And, as in rocket flight, it has been determined that the best way for a person to stay "on course" is to assess where one stands at any given moment in relation to the task or goal at hand.

Here's the really important point: The chances of impacting performance increase with frequency and timeliness of feedback. That implies the need for ongoing "How are we doing?" conversations. It's our best chance at knowing whether we're on track or not.

So, What Gets In The Way of Giving Feedback?

1. Let's face it: few of us enjoy hearing about those areas of work life where we're coming up short. It's human nature. The flip side is that managers are people, too, and they have the same thoughts and feelings. So it's not exactly a peak experience being the proverbial "messenger" even though it comes with the job.

2. The term "feedback" has morphed into "Here's what you need to correct" instead of "Here's how I think we're doing."

3. Feedback has been institutionalized to the point where it is often done at yearly or semi-annual performance reviews. That's usually too far away from the actual performance for a person to make the kind of changes that will alter an outcome. So, it become  a "Gotcha!"

4. It takes a relationship built on trust to have meaningful conversations about performance.

Trust comes from a series of interactions where people have made agreements, talked about how things were going, and then lived up to what they said they would do. And if something goes wrong, one person points that out to the other. They talk about what to do differently. And they learn that, even if something does go wrong, they care enough to bring it up and do something about it. I've said this before: The people you trust the most are the people who tell you the truth--good and bad. If it's good, they offer encouragement. If it's bad, they offer ways to work with you to sort things out.

5. Lack of ongoing, natural conversation about work life gets in the way of building relationships that breed the level of trust we need to have ongoing, natural conversations. It's circular.

What Can You Do?

1. Managers: Start the conversation from Day 1.

Set the tone for the future early on by asking, "How are things going with project x?" What didn't we anticipate? What's going well? What isn't going well, so we can find out how to get it on track? Then make sure that both of you do what you say you'll do.

2. Employees: If there isn't a conversation, start one.

Turn the questions in #1 into statements. For example, "Here's how project x is going." "Here's what we didn't anticipate." Sure, maybe your boss doesn't like bad news. Here's a secret: Surprises are worse than bad news.If you start the conversation, you have a better chance of putting your boss at ease with the whole idea of "How are we doing?"

3. Keep talking about having conversations, not feedback.

Language conveys feeling. The whole notion of feedback has degenerated to the point where the word contains more negative connotations than positive. Why? Maybe because it was never meant to be associated with the human condition in the first place. From the time we're kids we have conversations. We talk about "What's going on" and "How are things going?"

4. Start having ongoing "How are we doing?" conversations. Start now.



I absolutely guarantee you that two people of goodwill can increase their combined performance and reduce their stress-inducing baggage by having regular, honest talks about their progress and the factors impacting it. These kinds of talks are the foundation of every good relationship, on and off the job.

Bonus Thought: The longer you wait, the larger the "negative" becomes and the more difficult it is to discuss. Regular, frequent conversations mean that the problem areas will be smaller and easier to talk about!